With Mother’s day fast approaching many of you are probably choosing how to spend your Mother’s Day. Now that I’ve finally crossed over and actually become a mom, I have even more love and adoration for my mother.
I appreciate even more the little things she has done with me. Like take me ice-skating during New York’s holiday season in 20 degree weather. I appreciate the three-week summer sleep over camps we’d go to, giving us a love for the country and other ways of living. Most of all, I appreciate my mother instilling in me a sense of self-worth, self-love, determination and a compassion for others. Her ability to mother me has shaped my character and molded me into much of who I am. With that, comes a huge responsibility to not only be my personal best, but to pass some of these qualities to my babies.
So I ask you, are you sure you want to be a Mom?
I’m asking, because for women over the age of 40, this is a journey that is more of a conscious choice, rather than an accident. By the age of 40, many of you have accomplished wonderful feats in your life. First of all, you’ve made it this far and have beat all the statistics that come with being born. You’ve made it through the birth canal, avoided car accidents, made it past puberty as well as freaks of nature – such as earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis. In addition to that, you’ve managed to maintain a roof over your head, may own a home, a vehicle and at least have some form of steady income. You, by now, may have obtained higher education, started a business and may be dating or married. So far, your life is really pretty good! So, why a baby? With all the negative statistics for women over 40 conceiving a child, why should you possibly endanger your life or your potential baby? Why do you really want to be MOM?
Prior to birthing Trinity and Tristan, I remember “the urge” to become pregnant came long before wanting to BE a mom. I fantasized about what it would feel like to have something alive growing inside me. I longed for the ability to actually experience birthing a child through my body as if it were a right of passage. Now, I realize, IT IS a right of passage, but back then, I was in fantasy mode, watching movies like, “Look Who’s Talking I and II.”
I never thought about the realities of being pregnant, like 40-50 lbs of weight gain, my feet growing a size larger and my breasts not not belonging to me for the last 3 years. I never thought about my libido disappearing, the changes in expectation that I had with my former husband, or the lack of freaking sleep I’d experience. Not once did any one tell me that I would change from the inside out the day my first child was born. No one told me that the way I viewed the world would never be the same. Suddenly, I had fear! Paranoid fear of my child being harmed by pesticides, abducted or possibly sexually abused. There was a feeling that suddenly the world wasn’t a safe place to life. There was a fear of “how would I be able to protect my babies?” I never had any of these concerns as a single, child-less woman and yet, when I was post-partum for 4 weeks, I laid awake thinking of all these things!
Then there’s the nasty, smelly endless trail of poopy diapers and spit-up bibs. Oh my God, it’s endless, especially with two babies less than 18 months apart! My days of wearing clean clothes, makeup or hi-heeled shoes were over. My days of enjoying long bubble baths, going out with friends and eating gourmet meals were replaced with sponge baths, Sykpe and sandwiches. Some days, I was lucky if I even combed my hair or brushed my teeth!
In addition, I didn’t realize that as a new mom, I’d gotten thrown on a path of creating new friends, mommy friends, who somehow was on thrown on the same path of motherhood as me. We’d run daily with our strollers in the park, share stories of sleep deprivation, reluctance to return back to work and concerns of our marriages falling apart. We were now part of this secret society of smart, educated, income producing women who at times felt reduced to sleep deprived care-givers. None of this was in Webster’s dictionary under the definition of Mom!
However, with time, new things emerged. Like the absolute beauty, serenity and deep connection felt when nursing my daughter at 2, 4, and 6 am. All the money in the world cannot replace the feeling of my baby’s hand laying on one breast as she nursed on the other. Our eyes interlocked, and our hearts beating together in a synchronized rhythm, like a beautiful symphony. Nothing can replace hearing my child’s first giggle and seeing her steps. She looked like a baby monster. Her arms stretched out; with each step her unstable legs rocked her body from side to side like a baby Frankenstein. Nothing can replace experiencing and celebrating my first Mother’s Day as a Mom.
With all the trials and tribulations, the sleepless nights, the unexpected colds and again those nasty, smelly diapers; there’s nothing more joyful then being acknowledged and celebrated for doing what really comes natural to most women. At the end of the day, we are born to be nurturers. As a Mom, you get to experience being a nurturer first hand. It’s an act of self-less love.
To me, being a Mom is an opportunity to express love; both self-love and unconditional love of others. It is one of the biggest gifts you will receive and give once you become a mother. It’s the biggest and most rewarding responsibility I’ve ever experienced. And to all those women out there who are trying to become pregnant after 40, I’m here to tell you, its worth all the doctor visits, all the pre-pregnancy operations, all the weight gain, all the pre-pregnancy kit testing, all the IVF procedures, all the stress in the marriage and all the tears.
So, if you want to become a mother, start now. Start mothering, nurturing, and loving yourself and others now. Start loving your day, your home and your enemies now. Lastly, my wish for you is that you have what I have. I have Trinity and Tristan. I have reflection, introspection and a strong sense of intuition. I have peace, joy, spontaneity, laughter, tears, heartache and unconditional love! It’s called Motherhood and no matter what, I wouldn’t trade it in for anything else in the world.
May you get crystal clear on why you want to be a mother and if you don’t, may you become a mother anyway. May you have a wonderful Mothers’ day, prior to your pregnancy and afterwards. Remember to Think and Grow. T.A.G. you’re it!
Echo Allen, is CEO and Founder of Think and Grow, Baby, LLC (T.A.G Baby), a personal development coaching and consulting business for women over 40 seeking to manifest their baby. She can be reached at echo@ThinkandGrowBaby.com www.ThinkandGrowBaby.com